Had a dream about Ryan last night.
I went to visit him, he was in some sort of group rehab or residential program. The place was in a bad, old, near-downtown neighborhood. I could picture the door of the building perfectly, it was a familiar place. But when I got there, there were [...]
This may be macabre to some, but we keep Ryan’s ashes in our living room. We were going to sprinkle his ashes in the spring at a lake that he loved. His girlfriend said that was his wish.
Ryan was a huge coffee fan, he drank it by the pot. Hot [...]
This has been a decent week. Work was good, home was good, there is no reason not to be in good shape. It wasn’t perfect, we had a blizzard Friday and my daughter’s band had to cancel their show. I had to move a lot of snow using the snowblower and a [...]
I finally saw Ryan in a dream, but it’s not what I expected or hoped for.
All along I’ve been waiting to see him in a dream. My wife and daughters have seen him, and they were great experiences. But mine wasn’t. He was waiting outside our bedroom waiting to [...]
Ryan’s bedroom walls were a giant montage. Pictures – some personally drawn, some from the internet, most clipped from magazines. Sports cards, autographs, and memorabilia. Ticket stubs, and showbills. Cross country and marathon numbers from running events. Medals and varsity letters. He also had poems, quotations, scripture [...]
Something’s missing or broken right now. There’s a hole, or something that I can’t fill. Rather than try to write about it, I’ll let one on of my favorite songwriters, John Hiatt, do it:
There’s something broken in my heart
Oh it was nothing you done
There’s something broken in my heart
I guess that’s just the [...]
Tomorrow is my youngest boy’s 21st birthday, we celebrated today. We ate pizza, had ice cream cake, opened gifts, then watched a movie. We ended up watching The Blues Brothers.
The Blues Brothers is a movie that’s been a favorite of my wife and I for almost 30 years. It became a favorite [...]
It was October 8, 1998. We still owned our store, my wife was 9 months pregnant with our youngest, and it was a long day. I don’t remember how it transpired, but it came to my attention that a 14 year-old Ryan was getting ready to leave with a friend, something I told [...]
My wife put together a few of the most thoughtful Christmas gifts I’ve ever heard of. For Ryan’s brothers and his girlfriend she put together picture albums. Pictures of each of them and Ryan. This was no small undertaking, each album held two to four hundred pictures, and she filled each [...]
I cannot go to church since Ryan’s death. I can’t keep it together emotionally. I’m trembling, sniffling, tears running down my cheeks. People are staring at me, my kids are embarrassed, I finally have to leave. Tonight, I had another reason. My daughter sang a solo, The Magnificat, that was [...]
